My Mom often remarked that she was frightened by the “Old Woman” who constantly followed her.
For a long time, I thought it was an hallucination. But one day, as I stood beside Mom in front of the mirror, she pointed to her own reflection and said, “There she is. That Old Woman! She’s scarey and she follows me every where.”
I was so taken aback that I didn’t know what to say. My Mom no longer recognized her own reflection. I put my arms around her in the only comfort I knew to offer, and told her that I would be sure the old woman never hurt her. She was only trying to make friends with her, I explained instead. Mom was soothed by that for the moment and that became my constant response to Mom’s fear of the old woman who followed her.
Sometimes we only need to accept their fears, though we may never know how they’re really feeling. By late stage Alzheimer’s, my Mom’s eyes seemed fearful and worried most of the time, as though suddenly unsure of herself and the world around her. As the holidays near now, that reminds me of her great discomfort in crowds or large groups. Please keep your loved ones feelings in-mind if planning parties or reunions or large get-togethers. By middle stage Alzheimer’s, the patient is totally guarded and uneasy in large crowds with lots of chatter around them. Keep your loved one in-mind as you plan the holiday festivities!
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My 74-year old father has mid-stage Alzheimer’s. It is truly heart breaking to see my once brilliant and talkative father evolve into a forgetful, fearful, and quiet person. Last week when I ate dinner with him; I randomly asked him which fruits does he enjoy eating these days. To my surprise, he could not recall the names of any fruit! So I drew pictures of fruits and asked Dad to name them. Sadly, he could only name 7 of the 16 different fruits I drew.
I pray to God everyday to heal my Dad.
I certainly understand. It is very sad to see a beloved parent change so much. Actually, the change you see is not them but the disease. The best you can do is to love them as they are each day.
I remember being disappointed over things Mom couldn’t do, only to have her doing new things that she hadn’t done before. My Mom had always been kind and generous but not one to show much emotion. As her Alzheimer’s progressed, she became Miss Lovey-Dovey. Actually, it was quite nice to have her hug and kiss us as she had never done when we were younger. The inhibitions and behavior changes that Alzheimer’s brings aren’t always bad.
You just love them for who they are each day as they have few choices with Alzheimer’s in control.
I wish the best for you and your Dad. Enjoy him, he sounds like a very sweet man. He’s fortunate to have such a caring daughter.
Sandy