I was really baffled when Mom began to wear the same clothes day after day whether they were clean or not. Occasionally, I’d find her bundled up in a winter coat when it was 90 degrees. Once I arrived for a short trip to the grocery store and quick lunch at a fast-food restaurant and found Mom waiting in full make-up, long evening gown and dangling earrings.
Mom had been diagnosed with Alzheimers, but I had yet to do much reading or inform myself of the myriad of odd behaviors that came with that diagnosis. It was several weeks before I equated her new eccentricities to a decline in cognitive thinking. I didn’t understand the reason why she lost the ability to dress properly, or all interest in cleanliness until much later.
In the beginning it became a battle between us–me trying to convince Mom to change clothes or shower by sheer force. If asked about it, she would only shrug, totally unconcerned by my beleaguered attempts to improve her hygiene. It was totally confusing to me. I was struggling to teach the very person who had taught me all I knew about living and learning and cleanliness.
Eventually, in the middle stages of Alzheimers, Mom refused to shower at all. Our daily battles over the shower and hygiene became so stressful it still hurts to remember the angry words we spat at each other. Now, if I had it to do over, I don’t think I’d care if she ever showered again. It was many months before I learned that demanding and arguing only encourages the Alzheimer’s patient to become more obstinate and aggressive. Always “pick your battles” and remember, in light of the eventuality of Alzheimer’s, almost anything is tolerable.
I still don’t know exactly why Alzheimer’s patients are so afraid of taking a shower, but I’ve seen it to be true with most of them. Many of the residents in the Group Home where mom eventually stayed were only brought to the shower after much encouraging and coaxing. I do think it’s some kind of fear. Possibly, a fear of the water, the bathroom fixtures, the temperature settings. They do forget how to adjust the water temperature and I’ve often wondered if they’ve suffered a burn during that process. Whatever the reason, you can read the fear in their eyes when you mention a shower. Mom was terrified of the shower and if I left her to do it herself, she would disappear in the bathroom for long minutes, but exit without a drop of moisture in her hair.
Working on my “fear of the water temperature” theory, I found a solution that worked for us. I turned on the water in the shower, adjusted the temperature, and let it run as I left the room. It wasn’t long before Mom was hunting me down. “You left water running in the bathroom,” she told me, “it will flood the floor.”
“Don’t you remember, Mom,” I said. “You told me to adjust the water because you wanted to take a shower. That’s what I did.”
Mom would only hesitate for a moment, search for a reply and then say, “Oh…I forgot I asked you to do that. Okay. I’ll take my shower now.” And she was off to the bathroom and a shower as though it had been her idea all along.
- The Alzheimer’s sufferer becomes expert at denying and covering for their memory lapses in the earliest stages of this disease.
- They know how to make you feel crazy by denying their forgetting or pretending they remember while you know full-well they do not.
I must admit, though, I did marvel at how simple the resolution had been for the shower issue and wished I’d thought of it months earlier. It worked for a few months and that’s all I could ask.
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Due to the cognitive decline for Alzheimer’s and Dementia patient’s, they are no longer able to read the hands on a conventional clock. |
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Dynamic Living Oversized |
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Showering is less of an issue with you are caring for your spouse. I give him my most suggestive look and say, “Hey Sweet Man! Let’s go take a shower!” and off we go! Works so for!
That is the sweetest story I’ve heard yet about coaxing a spouse with Alzheimer’s to the shower! Good for you! Thank you so much for sharing!
When my mother-in-law (who had Alzheimer’s) refused to bathe A nurse that worked with Alzheimer patient told me that since they go back in time that it is a great possibility that they remember their Mother telling them to not go near the water they might fall in and drowned. When she refused my husband would tell her If she didn’t take a bath that she wouldn,t get to go to senior citizen the next day and she would head straight to the bathroom and take her bath.
What a sweet way to help her accept a bath. And it worked! It’s always nice to hear new ideas.
Thanks for your comment,
Sandy
You spoke the truth! I know what you mean, and it seems to be an issue with so many others. My mom would say, I just took a shower! Of course she didn’t, I was there. Then she would sometimes get up in the middle of the night to shower. You do need to pick your battles and sometimes that was one that just wasn’t worth fighting. I had to wait until she was in a really good mood to approach her on the subject and then she might go along with it. I know how she used to be, she loved to shower and have clean hair. Alzheimers changes people in so many ways, it’s so sad.
I am a caregiver for my grandfather. I tried running the bath as suggested and he told me to turn the faucet off because he had “already” bathed. He will make all kinds of excuses. He says he already bathed last night and this morning.
It takes almost the whole day to convince him.
The suggestion in the article is a good tip but unfortunately it doesn’t work for everyone. Looking forward to more tips though
Hello Sheri,
Oh, I do understand. Mom would say the same thing as your grandfather. Yes, you are right. Showering is a top issue for those with Alzheimer’s or dementia.
1. Don’t argue, if you keep insisting and he keeps refusing it turns into an argument that just isn’t worth it. It aggravates him and frustrates you and creates a big upset that is not worth it.
2. If he showers twice a week, that is adequate. This is one of the most often complaints from Alzheimer’s caregivers. We aren’t certain why they don’t want to shower; it could be fear of the running water, fear of the shower stall itself, or they sincerely believe they have just bathed.
3. He may be willing to sponge bathe with a basin of warm soapy water, and many folks prefer that just be certain that if bathing in this manner, he starts at the top of his head and works his way down, using several wash cloths during the process. Here’s an article about How to give a sponge bath.
4. My Mom eventually became quite happy with a bench in the shower, and a hand-held shower spray hose. I think my Mom’s issue was the running water, because once she could hold the shower hose and had to push a button to get the water spray, she was content to take a bath.
Hope this helps!
~Sandy